Saturday, February 12, 2011

The TOP RATED bad day

MARAH. kuping gw sampe panas rasanya sangking napsunya. 
Kenapa? karena gw harus berkompromi. Hasil konsekuensi dari pilihan yang gw ambil.

Kadang, I just missed being single. Not that I am not grateful being married to Mas Yoyo. He's a wonderful person most of the time although sometimes he can be a total pain in the ass (well, aren't we all? I am a jerk sometimes too). But my point is, life is so much simpler when you are single. You don't have to compromise too much. You can do whatever you like. You don't have someone to take care of. You can just be YOU. 
It will all be so different when you get married. All is totally different. Well, in my case, I can still be me but with much bigger responsibilities and lots of compromise. 

When I first came here, I know everything won't be easy for me. That's why I mention in my previous post that I am not a daydreamer anymore. Gw datang kesini dengan sejuta harapan yang masih gw pegang sampai sekarang. And I have busting my ass off ever since to get there. Disini, segala sesuatunya ga mudah, ga gampang, ga serba instan kaya di Indo. Mau bikin SIM aja repotnya setengah mati. Ada 3 tahapan yang harus dilalui dalam kurun waktu kurang lebih 3-5 tahun buat lancar dapet G license. Di Indo? datang ke kantor polisi, bayar 500 ribu, beres..jadi simnya..bisa nyetir dehh kemanapun dimanapun. Begitu juga dengan paperwork, ijin tinggal gw disini. Jadi gw disini kan lagi disponsorin permanent resident sama Mas Yoyo. And it takes time. gw udah nunggu setahun lebih dan belum ada hasilnya. I might have to wait another year. In the mean time, gw ga bisa ngapa-ngapain. Gw ga bisa sekolah, gw ga bisa kerja. I can't do anything which is so hard for me soalnya gw bukan tipe orang yang bisa terus-terusan bersantai, do nothing with my life. I feel useless if I do that. 

For everybody who wonders about my living costs here, well tentu saja Mas Yoyo takes care of that. He is a good husband. Excellent if I may say. He has been busting his ass off as well in order for us to survive here. it is not like he has to flipping burger or doing labor but he has to work as a structural engineer and studies master as well which are harder. I am proud of him because if I put myself in his shoes, I don't think I will be able to overcome that. 

We have our good days, we can sip champagne together (moscato is the best. Try it if you can find one.) and just talk about life. about how far have we grown from yesterday. I always feel bad though because I can not help him yet. It is like I put a big heavy burden in his shoulder. But he always says that it's okay. it's fine because he is doing it for us. for what we both have. for our future. for our dreams.

But when the hurricane came, it hurts so bad. why? because you are all alone here. You don't have any family. So when we have disagreements, I feel angry (of course). I feel upset (tentunya..) and I feel unloved (rare, isn't it?); because even though I have so many great friends in here, it is still different with family. The bonded, if I may say, is just not as strong as. I have thought this thoroughly before I came here that Mas Yoyo will be my only family here. So it feels so shitty when we are at war; especially when it is about something that you can't help. Ga tau kenapa mood gw hari ini lagi jelek abis. Gw aja berasa super duper annoying today. Rasanya cape banget aja dari Januari kerjaan (well, I am only an intern sihh..) lagi menggila soalnya udah mau deket sama Toronto fashion week in March, so lagi sibuk ngabisin stock barang lama. Jadilah dibikin sample sale which is kind of annoying in a weather like this. People are just too lazy to show up!
Pas gw jaga sample sale, mas Yoyo bikin tugas di kampus. kita balik bareng and then gw masak (mie ulang tahun buat dickson yang mabok duluan jadi ga sempet makan mienya, pengen rasanya dia gw tampol, iket di balcony). Pas gw masak, mas Yoyo sibuk main Dota. Nah..gw lagi nonton film sambil masak, Mas Yoyo pgn main game sambil nonton (gw pgn ntn movie, dia pgn ntn discovery channel, kaga matching kan). Dimulailah kesebelan gw. Dan gw orangnya kalo udah sebel, ga bakalan diem aja, gw bakalan berubah jd a super nasty woman. LOL.And I guess, well for sure sih, mas Yoyo berasa dan mulailah kita perang mulut (which is ga penting abis) yang diakhiri dengan dia ngm: Lu emang ngapain sih? ga ngapa-ngapain juga. 

MERAH. MARAH. kuping gw langsung panas abis.
Dalam hati gw bilang: jangan nangis ye, jangan nangis. you have to be strong. 

As much as I hate it, this is the consequences that I have to pay when I decided to marry him. Gw ga bisa main gampang aja bilang cerai, bye bye, because I still want my marriage to work. 
Apakah dengan ini gw menyesal menikah? I will have to say no. Mungkin pas panas, suka terbersit pikiran gila. pikiran kalo gw pasti bisa hidup sendiri, jadi ga usah sakit hati lagi.but NO, that's crazy. I still love him even when I hate him. Kompromi, sakit hati, itu semua konsekuensi dari pilihan saya. and I don't regret it. On the contrary, I am firmly sure that I made a right choice to marry him. He brings out the best of me. The process is not always pleasant, believe me I know, but at the end of the day,there are lots of simple things which belong only to both of us and it can just made my day. His simple smile when he sleeps or his kiss in my forehead. 

I thank God for giving me you in my life.

Happy Valentine's day Love. Keep being true to you and me.

XOXO,
HW in L

2 comments:

  1. Aaaaaawwwweeeee manisan jambyuuuuuuuu akika mawar nangis ampe meraung raung baca post lo yg ini!!!!!!!! I feel you gggggiiiiirrrllllll!!!!! OMG!!! Why do we share the same life and feelings? Mungkinkah kamu manisan adalah belahan dadaku yg tidak ada ini???!! Ja ampoen neiiikkk!!! Iiihhh tau bgt tuh gua rasanya ya olloh!! Mungkin jg ini alasan mengapa kita tdk dipertemukan, kalo ktmu gua rasa kita bisa curhat ampe mulut berdarah darah kaliiii.. Uuuuu kamu semangat yah maniiiissss!!! Aku padamuuuuu!!

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  2. TERHARUUUU...

    But he always says that it's okay. it's fine because he is doing it for us. for what we both have. for our future. for our dreams. --> ah..mas yoyo so sweeet...

    I still love him even when I hate him. -->nice ,,bs dbikin love quotation baru nih

    bagus banget ye blognya..ttg susah n senangnya pernikahan. proud of you both..

    mungkin salah satu cara Tuhan membentuk kalian disana..tanpa orang tua.berusaha mandiri. saat ada masalah, bs ngadepin sendiri, tanpa di comfort sama ortu.

    niceeee...love this pos

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